Thursday, 29 March 2012

Stuff Healthy People Say to Sick People Video

Oh I wish I'd made this video. But I also wish I'd written Harry Potter so...

This is inspired by the "Sh*t People Say" videos that are going viral on You Tube at the moment. I've had pretty much everything said in this video to my face... apart from the 'you look so skinny'. See previous post for explanation.

Most healthy people mean well so I don't wish to cause offence, merely spread mirth. But I think anyone with a long term, episodic chronic illness such as Lime Disease, ME, Epilepsy, Lupus and of course Migraine, will be able to relate to this.

And now I'm off to work on my own musical migraine version of this video. Good Day.


  1. So spot on! I think I mentioned that when my boss and I were discussing me going part time temporaily - he then said "I have a suggestion - have you tried vigourous exercise?" That's what I get the most I think - suggestions or how something else has helped someone they know. I know people are just trying to help - but it makes them feel bad when you go "yes I have tried it..." because they just want you to say "yes thanks, i'm cured now". I used to just say "I'm fine" but now I'm signed off part time - I've started telling people the truth - that I feel rubbish pretty much most of the time. It sucks and it's not what they want to hear - but the alternative is them thinking I'm faking it and there's nothing really wrong!

    I actually relish in people telling me I look crap after having a migraine - at least then it's something they can visibly see!

    1. Ola! I used to get 'why don't you got for a jog' all the time but now people know better, jogging brings on a migraine for me almost quicker than anything! I actually accidentally ran for a bus (en route for a manicure which obviously I couldn't be late for) and got the worst migraine later that day. I know people mean well but... it is weirdly nice when they see you looking terribly and finally 'get it'. I'm actually going to write about 'Unhelpful Helpfulness' so will stop writing now! But well done for being brave and telling the truth! x

  2. Oh it's funny...when I wear make up I look fine, if not puffy. No make up and I look so ill that when I say I'm ok, I can see them looking at me thinking, wow she looks rough today! lol. The trouble is I don't want to scare the children in the street with my deathly white pallor and piggy eyes, so more often than not I am am made up ;) Oh how fickle people are, never judge a book by it's cover!

  3. This video is awesome! I had a great comment whilst at the National Migraine Centre (of all places!). When giving my donation, the receptionist asked me if I was a UK taxpayer to see if they could claim giftaid, I said that unfortunately I wasn't and she said 'oh how lucky you don't have to pay tax'. I was like 'WHAT? Do you think that somehow I earn money in this country but have miraculously worked out a way not to pay any tax on my earnings? No, I don't pay tax, because I get so many migraines that I don't have a job so I'm not earning any money. Fortunately, last year I did earn money (in Canada, hence still didn't pay UK taxes) but because of all the migraines, I didn't spend very much so managed to save a fair bit and am now living back home with the parents so am not quite destitute yet!'
    Unfortunately, I was so blown away by her comment, that I didn't reply like that at the time. I just smiled dumbly at her.

    P.S Victoria, do you find that a lot of people assume that you have moved back in with the parents to save up for a deposit for a house? I'm getting that quite a lot. I have no desire to ever buy a house. If I could be migraine free, I would happily rent for the rest of my life

    1. Hi Fiona,
      Can't believe you got that comment at the NMC, woops! Ha.
      Re living at home - well actually for a long time I think most of my friends assumed I was in some weird cult where I just enjoyed living at home and they used to say 'why don't you move out, my friend is looking for a room mate?', or "won't it be better for you to get your own place?". And you have to explain that you can't work full time because the migraines/health are bad so you can't afford to rent or buy even if you wanted to but for me I'm living at home because I genuinely need the support and 'care' of my parents at the moment, especially while I'm having these spine injections. And when you have three day migraines, when you're not married or in a serious relationship, it's not fair to expect some random room mate or even a good friend to try and help you get food/ice packs/hot water bottles/medications/ not faint in the bathroom etc etc. When I'm well enough to move out of home I will. Living at home aged 31 is not exactly how I thought my life would turn out! touched a nerve here!!! But, generally, most of my friends understand it now - I think it's hard as they only see me when I'm well (i.e between migraines).....

    2. Hi Victoria
      Unfortunately that is why most people don't understand migraines because they normally only see us sufferers on our good days when we are at our best and are normally super happy to be out and about. I always even feel a bit of a fraud myself when I say that I have a chronic illness which is preventing me from working because when I feel well I even doubt myself!
      I feel exactly the same as you and struggled for probably far too long living on my own in Canada. I hated asking my friends for help when I was ill so would often run out of food during long migraines and end up eating really badly or not very much at all (which really did not help the situation!). Fortunately I had some good friends that knew how pig headed and stubborn I was and they started cooking meals for me and would drive me to appointments etc but I always felt bad relying on them. I even had 2 friends who could tell just by looking at me that I was getting a migraine, even before I was aware of it!!! Sometimes they could notice changes in my face or my speech 12 hours before! BIzarre!
      I just turned 31 too and know your pain! I had all these plans. I was thinking of moving to Montreal for a year or had an offer of work in Brazil...sigh......but at least I'm in the UK for the Olympics!

    3. I work a full time job, but I work overnight shift. It is usually very quiet and even when I hurt it I am sitting at a desk so I just make myself comfortable and do the best I can. I know one thing it is killer to not be in bed with my husband at night. I don't know maybe my migraines aren't as bad as other people's or I have just learned to cope, but I go on about my day majority of the time. Put a fake smile on and go. When I am about to get a migraine I have slurred speech, not bad, I just get tongue tied easily. Other than that I fight through the pain and do the best I can to combat it. I've learned that mine are worse on days with the weather isn't so beautiful. Rain, fog, cold fronts all trigger my migraines. Usually no one else wants to be out on these days either. I will say one thing though I don't have many friends. I have my husband and that is about it. I made up my mind a while back that if I stayed in bed every time I was hurting I would never get out of bed so I get up, hard as it may be, and keep going.

    4. Hello Kaitlin, what you describe sounds very common for a lot of migraineurs. And I don't think it's a question of one migraine is worse than another persons - it's that we all experience migraines in very different ways as it's such an individual and complex condition. I think you sound like an incredibly brave and strong individual - with a lot of determination. Having so many migraines and working overnight shifts doesn't exactly leave a lot of time, or energy, for social life, or even a normal life but it sounds like you're doing the best you can which is amazing. I know you've seen Doctors before but would you consider going to see another migraine or headache specialist again (if you have insurance that is) for another opinion as the right one can make such a difference to our lives. is a great website and will help you find someone near you??? I'm an eternal optimist when it comes to keep on going till we find a migraine specialists who can help us! I saw about 20 till I found the right one. I'll leave you in peace now! Have a good day x

  4. So glad you shared this! I've heard almost all of these.

  5. that is a great vid! :) you want come for a drink!

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